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Love from Lorraine

My world

Last day of 1st year Nursery

Dear April

I cannot believe tomorrow is your last day at nursery for the summer.  It has been great seeing you change when at nursery and also weird knowing you have a little life outside mummy and daddys world, and its just yours.  However its all part of growing up and I am so very proud of you and the way you have excepted the challenge.

You only started January due to your age, but the six months have seen you grow with confidence and courage.  You go with such confidence and you have made friends of your very own.

Its all new to me and your dad and we are trying to go with the flow with what happens and whats expected and try to show an interest and be part of each step when we can (allowed lol , the control freak momma has to have a step back )

Our first summer break and we will have lots of fun adventures I promise ( we couldnt stay in with your energy )  The entire week I have thought about you leaving for holiday and had to keep reminding myself that you are the one off for 6 weeks not mommy lol.  I wish it was me.

This week I have managed to be on top form with organising . I have done sweets for the teachers , wrote a letter to your little friends mum about meeting up over the holidays  (sadly she hasnt text me but at least I can say I tried) and sorted your Mad Hatter hat for your party tomorrow

Today I rushed home (after a very long day ) and we made chocolate shapes for you party tomorrow too . It wasnt too easy with you as my assistant this time around and there wasnt much concentration being had with the mad singing you were doing lol but we did it in the end .

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I have your blackboard ready for tomorrow and I am loving that I can be part of your life and make the events as special as I can .  IMG_5244

Wishing you the best last day my gorgeous girl and a fun summer break with mama and dada .

 

Love you to the moon and back . xx

 

Tiredness or failure

I dont know if you guys out in cyber space get this but I just feel like a bit of a failure.  My twenties were full of hope that I could still be something or someone.  Do something that would make a difference.  My thirties proved how wrong I was.  I used to have so much motivation , or at least I think I did .

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I had April, my gorgeous girl, at 31 and she changed my view of things , for the better.  I wanted to stay home and spend every minute with her.  I told my self that something will turn up. A door will open for me .  Nothing did.

I had a plan , thought it out and it all fell apart. I decided it was fine and that I wasnt meant to be and something much better was just round the corner.  There is no corner its a straight road.

After the maternity leave I surrendered to the fact I was going back . Back to work but it was ok I would be part time now and it would be different than the place I left . It was different . IT was worse.

I am of course lucky lucky lucky to have a job in todays world and I understand that but thats not what this post is really about . Its about how unfufilled I am in the career path I have found myself on.  The job I have done hasnt changed in the 15 years I have done it. With every business and company scrambling for money there is no ladder and no development and therefore no change.  In fact there is very very very little work and some days I sit at a desk for 9 hours and dont have a thing to do (most days if I am honest).  Days my baby is sick and I have no holidays and feel trapped there like a prison while my hard working , over worked , husband has to take the time off to be with her (he is self employed no one he has to ask for time off ) . I HATE IT and its my crappy party and I will cry if I want to .

I understand I have so so much . I get that and again if you read other posts you will know what I put as first and its not money .  However I decided that I would write a blog but I was just lost.  Changed it and took on another  blog , lost again .  I opened an online shop and worked my butt off sewing and trying to make money from sales but fabric is expensive and people like things for nothing , plus there is only me and I have to sit in an office for 9 hours so that takes some time away from it .

I guess I am just having a rant as here I am again with this blog and my instagram and its sucks … I have 289 posts on instagram and 53 followers   .  Sigh.

I get up every morning and think of great things I want to post about and crafts I want to do then the challenges of the day arrives and Im knackered (sometimes from boredom ) and I have no energy to do any of it.

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Maybe I am just too late in the blogging world x

YouTube Video

April is three but its a digital world for her since her birth . She has seen us use our phones for just about everything and soon we seen her copy the ‘swiping’ action before she could even stand on her own.  The ipad was amazing for her as a baby as you have a lot of educational apps and videos on it and from a young age she would watch things to help with her eye coordination and hearing to name a few.  It was a natural part of her world …..Sometimes I think that is sad and others I think its a very good thing IF USED CORRECTLY .

April found the youtube app on her own and managed (I dont know how) to discover the surprise opening videos herself .   She gets limited time on the IPAD for watching things like this before moving on to an educational app that we do together (if she lets me)  but nonetheless she likes youtube .

So I decided one day we would create our own youtube video that way she would have fun watching herself.  I am quite a shy person and easy to hide behind the computer screen and this blog but I thought it would be fun ….. April took a little bit to get into it but then she was all pro at the end ….Have a watch.

Do I dare say Christmas in July

Well I am a bit of a control freak but I dont say that negatively as I like it.  I am okay with it and I like being ahead of the game and feeling organised.  It works well for me .

The other part knows that unless I am organised I could not afford Christmas at the last minute so I need to be organised.

With both of the above I am currently Christmas shopping for the little one and have got the rest of the friends and family sorted mainly.

OK OK I realise you might just hate me right now and I come across as all smug but it honestly isnt like this .  I grew up always having to hear about money as my parents didnt have a lot.  They worked hard and we got what they could afford. Some times were much harder than others but as a child I knew money was short and important.

I left home early around my 20s and I bought my first house myself and managed my own money. When it came to Christmas I was so blessed with lots of friends that my bank balance felt it and I would spend the next year having to get on top of finances again.  I realised that just didnt work for me and I started early in the second half of the year collecting bargains as I went .  My friends started having Children before I did and before I knew it I was back to square one with having childrens gifts added on.  I was independant so there was no saying I couldnt afford it. I love giving gifts and try so hard to give good gifts too .

Fast Forward a few years more and I started collecting some of the great bargains in the january sales and the sales throughout the whole year.  I found a big cupboard space and packed them all in . I then sorted out at christmas what I had and who it would suit.  More years later and along came April and her very own Santa list .

I now start on january and buy throughout the year. It is now not about if I see if but I look out for the sales and think about the present cupboard first(its now a sealed large box in the shed lol ) I get amazing bargains, which means people get some great gifts that some times I wouldnt be able to afford all at once when December hit.   I look for really good kids gifts for April too and put them away .

With Aprils gifts I dont always buy new. I have done this with some of the things and I am guaranteed its the new stuff she isnt interested in and its my ebay second hand toys that she does.  Plus if there is something I buy second hand and she is not interested in it then I dont feel as bad as if I had bought new.

I love bargaining on ebay to see what is available (always go for best quality of course ) and the cost.  It can be a game.

Here are my tips for being better prepared for Christmas (and birthdays too )

  • Find a place that you can keep presents, this could be a drawer, box, under bed , cupboard ….. its ok to start small .
  • Look at all the bargain parts of the stores . Sales, whoops products
    , supermarket (they always have discounted stuff ) and buy if they seem a good bargain and a gift you have someone in mind for. Some things are a good bargain you put it away and sort out the recipient later
  • Look on ebay and gumtree for your own children , some awesome stuff and great prices.  Books , toys, electronics.  Lots of bargains can be had. Also good for ideas.
  • Look for when certain sales are on . CLothes shop sales, supermarket sales , jewellery shop sales and toys . You might not always buy from them and sometimes I wait until the last day of the sale to see what is reduced further.
  • Always make a list at Christmas time to see who gets what and makes the planning better.

Lastly have fun.  I enjoy this and its my way but not always someone elses .  I then have December free to enjoy all the festivity .

 

 

 

 

My travel list for holidays 

We are heading to DisneyLand in Paris. Woohoo.  I cannot wait.  April is just three and although not sure of all that it is about she knows she gets to meet all the princesses and give them a cuddle.

I like lists and I like a bit of control. I like to think I have everything I need when I go or at least feel I have thought of most things.   Think all mums are the same so I thought I would give a quick look at my list of things to take.  This is tailored to our Disney holiday but it still gives some ideas of things you might forget on your list

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My Disney visit toddler list

  • Pull ups/bed pants – April is out of nappies but thought she may be extra tired and didn’t need any issues with an accident so this was easy
  • Wet wipes – For a million reasons lol
  • Favourite teddy – Something to remind them of home and security , especially if first trip away .
  • Musical light – April uses a musical toy at bedtime so we took that with her so her routine, even if later , was similar
  • Dress up clothes – believe me cheaper than Disney
  • Sweets / chocolate – Disney is expensive and food can be different so take things you know your kids like and will eat for snacks . Definitely helped
  • Empty juice container – easy to pour juice and water into and no spills
  • Zippy bags – helps put sweets into or unfinished food for later. You know toddlers
  • Nappy cream – I find April can get rashes quick so this is something to have handy
  • Calpol/Medicine – obvious reasons. don’t want to be stuck with out
  • Thermometer – I like to know what I am dealing with if ill
  • Clothes – I am sure you know what clothes to pack lol
  • Separate tights and socks (cold and hot) – I took both tights and socks. That way could easily make an outfit for sunshine or wet weather
  • 2 full days of extra clothes – I took two full day’s worth of clothes extra. that way felt covered for accidents or very different weather or even a fussy toddler
  • Blanket- Cosy cover if really cold or asleep in pushchair
  • Pushchair- there is too much walking for them. Must have a pushchair. You can hire them but definitely think about this
  • Backpack with colouring pens and toys for plane
  • Sun cream – hopefully sunny days
  • Hat
  • Glasses
  • Surprise toys for when bored – I kept small cheap toys for when April got bored and pulled them out . Got us some time and worth doing. Queues can be long so distraction works great
  • Shoes – at least two pairs so they are different on feet and not rub with all the walking
  • Change of clothes for mummy bag – another good idea in case accidents or maybe get cold.
  • Hoodie and light rain jacket – I felt this was enough to either double up or make lighter. Plus if really cold you have a blanket too
  • Facecloth – never seem to get a facecloth at hotels and worth taking for those cute messy faces.
  • Plasters for bobos
  • Hair bobbles and clips
  • A new toothbrush and toothpaste

I think that’s it. Oh wait ……. Have Fun Fun Fun

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The sun has got its hat on 

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We are very blessed to have a lot of sun at the moment.  I love it. April and I are getting out and about a whole lot more.  Parks and walks and mini adventure.

I always feel like we, as parents, spend so much time and money trying to entertain our little munchkins on rainy days.  Toys, days out to soft play, dinners , cinema.  The list is endless . Unlike our bank accounts.   Sunny days are great for just getting out to parks and the beach and having fun without it costing much at all. Maybe just an icecream.  Long may it last . xx

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The Fair is in town 

When I grew up we loved going to the fair or the shows as we would call it.   So much fun and always felt massive.

Now I am taking my own little girl to the same one that visits every summer.  In fact I think some are the same rides I went on HAHA

You can never be sad at the fair.  Just look at how happy April is. Have you seen a bigger smile.

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On another note.  How expensive is it ?!  I am lucky I only need to pay for one child. If you had 4/5 children that’s an expensive day out.  However it’s something you have to do as a child .  Always fun. Xx

Adoption

Okay seems like I am throwing this word out of the blue. However let me tell you a story, as a small child (around 7/8) I was fascinated by adoption and fostering although I didnt know there was a difference at that age.   I watched many films around the subject and asked question after question, being very curious on the matter.

I was actually never sure that I would have my own,  I was so aware of the amount of children that needed a home that I was never sure I wanted to bring one in to the world and more about helping the ones already here.

I began respite fostering when I was 22 …. the process was long but I went throught this and it was very informative and very well done and I got a baby boy of 14 months old when I was around 24.  The process isnt so much long as massive breaks in between . (just incase someone is put off by that sentence)

When we did decide to have our own it was the best time of my entire life and she is my utter world.  She is more than I ever knew , I love more than I have ever loved anything in my life and with her my want for adoption and to help another child grew also

Respite fostering (to jump back a little )  is where you work with the family . Get involved with things and have the children or child one weekend a month (or whatever you can do ) it worked well for me , the family and the child.  It was amazing. The best thing I have ever done (besides my own baby girl ) .  Usually respite fostering moves on when things are good and after a few months/years ( a bit like mary poppins) however I kept fostering with the same little boy for 10 years.  10 years you guys!  He was basically my baby boy too 🙂 .  I got on with the family very very well and fostered the brother too.  Initally separately and then together as they grew.  They became family very very quickly .

This has just ended within the year and with fostering for so long with the same family  it was so routine and just home from home for them and for us too.  With this naturally ending we are at a bit of a cross road . DO we take on someone new?  will that be scary again ?  we have April to think about now  or WILL WE LOOK AT ADOPTION?!

The last one is my dream and at the same time I am scared.  I think its good to be scared . I think that shows seriousness of the thought.  It cant be a whim . It has to work . For the child, for us , for April.  Its a forever decision. This cant be made instantly and it has been something I have thought about for a long long time. I need to make sure the realisim is in that thought too .

  1. Will I love them the same ?
  2. Will they fit in ?
  3. Will we give them the best life?
  4. Will it work ?
  5. Will they feel the same as April?
  6. Will we miss just having April?
  7. Will I manage with two (I know you mommas out there have lots more but I am being honest so please dont judge)?
  8. Will I cope ?
  9. Will me and gary manage?
  10. Will we afford it ?
  11. Will the kids fight ?
  12. Will it be hard

Its probably no different than when we thought about having our own and perhaps if I wanted a second I would go through these questions again . Then I think of the big picture. Sunday morning, us all in bed together , two little girls laughing and becoming best friends …..Oh no I have some tears now…… see it is important to me and if anyone is still with me then please let me know what you think.

It will not be tomorrow and will not be this year however do I start the journey or do I stick with my amazing trio ?

xxxx   thanks for your ears …… it means a lot .xx

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Summer with a three year old

Every year it changes and every child is different.  With April only being three it feels like every year is new again . Like she hasnt seen sunny weather and all the fun that comes with it. 

 

Summer is super exciting as lots of outdoor playing and lazing in the garden. Even the dog thinks so 

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There is nothing that little Missy doesn’t have (I feel bad that she has so much however most has been second hand) and yet still she needs entertained as much as she does.  I have a question for you mommas out there …….. Is it an age thing ? do they play more when they are bigger? 

 

Don’t get me wrong I love playing with her and realise she is only little for a small amount of time but I think it is good for them to use their imagination …… just to allow me a cup of tea on my own Ha Ha.

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Our first sunny day here in Scotland.  We always try to make the most of it as never know how much we are getting. 

 

WE had a lovely BBQ, sand pit out and paddling pool was even out too.   It took ages blowing up the paddling pool and getting hot water in ( a little hose water too )  Not sure what April was expecting but she stepped in it , and complained it was too cold before slipping and saying NO NO NO. What a girl .

 

We had fun and hope there is many many more this year

 

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