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Coincidence ? God?

In a very weird way, a  Joel Osteen you tube video turned up in my life today.  I have to wonder when things like this happen.  Is it a coincidence?  Is there such a thing?  If its all meant to be then it’s a sign……right ?

I am a believer in a higher being, higher spirit, higher love.  I always believed in God and Jesus as a child but we were not a church going family and were not a reading family so the bible was definitely not something we read or had.  My mum and dad were not opposed to God but more opposed to religion.  Limiting and rules I think.  My mum always said that if god was all loving and if god made us then he wouldn’t make us born with sin.  No parent would.  She also told me that you don’t need to go to church to pray or talk with god as not everyone can walk and not everyone can talk.  C you can do it anywhere.  I clearly must have asked a lot about god and why we didn’t go to church for these to be her answers.  She at least left me to make my own decisions but we were never overly encouraged forward and thats probably because their parents didn’t either.

However we are in a ‘healing’ part of our life and Joel Osteen seems to have popped into my life with some amazing motivational videos.  It was as if the video that I got shown was exactly what I needed.  a message from above?  A sign ?  I would like to think so

Me and my husband listened to his videos all afternoon.  The uplift we felt was incredible.  My husband before our life changing event was not religious or overly believing but strange what life will do to you.  We have been forced to change our life and in small ways, slowly, god has entered?  I dont know if I am holding hope but I am ready to embrace this new part of it.  I like to think that there is someone , up there, looking out for me.

Lorraine

When the world gives you lemons

Not sure how to start this blog.  2016 did not end the way it was meant to.   The cause….People, evil people.  I have always been a sensitive person and a person who wears my heart on my sleeve.  I hurt easily and love easily.  Found it to be a tough end to the year when people decide to lie, lie to seek revenge for something that didn’t need revenge.  Hate is a horrible thing and the actions people take to do things to  people they dislike.   Well I hope they reap what they sow.  Karma will seek revenge I hope.  They ( the wise people we never know lol) say that what you put out in the world you get back.  At times I have to admit I think thats why evil turned up at our door but in return it should turn up at theirs.  I don’t wish bad on anyone but I do hope Karma is involved.

Any way enough of that.  We are into 2017 .  Broken, hurt, sad and a little bit more wary but we are here, we are a family and thats all we can ask.

I write this blog for me, no-one else.  I loved doing diaries when I was little and I every time I have started a blog I end up stopping and always so difficult to close it with all my posts on and my pictures on so I will continue this and keep my cute memories.

2017 is definitely a NEW NEW NEW start for me.  I have never had a new start like it .  I don’t know where I am going or what I am going to do but maybe writing some of it down and the changes I get will be an amazing journey to record.

I believe very much in the Law of Attraction and lets see if it can make its difference for me this year.

 

Our Summer schedule

School holidays seem long and we are just experiencing our first school summer holiday.  April only started nursery in January so we are used to her being with us.  The school holidays arent quite that different to us yet.  However I like to start as I mean to go on .
Gary, Aprils daddy, is self employed and works very hard and going away for a couple of weeks when you have a business isnt always possible.  So I got creative. I work part time so I am off Thursday – Sunday .
I sometimes feel being off with kids is a whole lot of money being spent trying to entertain them and then with out planning its actually more like wasted money .
I find planning fun and with that came up with the idea of craft things to do and a really good day out every week to look forward to . Then a Sunday in house playing with the mountain of toys she already has.  We have our special summer days out and here is a list of our summer weeks.
Week one . – Circus is in town . yay . Got best seats and had full day with friends at this , candy floss , balloons . When in Rome lol.
Week two – Gymnastics summer camp . This was on for three days and the bonus is that I get some me time too . she has three full fun days.
Week three – Airshow . Full day event and picnic will be taken too
Week four – Thomas tank day . _ trip on a thomas tank train .
Week five – Weekend away for some fun fun fun . beach , parks and some adventure
Week Six – safari park and if sunny can take our BBQ
I have filled our ‘special summer days’ with full days out and I mainly like to do these on a Saturday so that my sundays are lazy days.  I like having a plan and I also like to keep ideas up my sleeve for reserve.
Reserve list for bored days.
zoo
Cinema
park
baking
beach
swimming
soft play .
So I am hoping this list helps you out a little too .
Have a fun fun fun summer x

When you having another?

From the moment you meet someone its “when you getting a ring on that finger?”  , “When is the wedding ?” , “Do you guys want kids ?”  and then the “When you having another?”

 

Its usually from someone who has done all the above and living their, now routine, life through you .  Maybe I am being harsh but from someone that has heard these comments  A  LOT  I feel strongly about leaving people to do things their way and in their own time. 

 

It’s not a race and there is no rule book IMG_5512

SO here I am having met someone , got the ring , got married and had the baby . So I am around about the last question. “When is the second baby coming?” .  Well its not.  One child fits us and our life nicely .  Is this selfish .

 

I am in this life with my amazing family once and our life isn’t straight forward  9 -5 .  Gary , my husband, works very hard at running a few businesses.  These businesses keep him out the house every night during the week and most of the weekend he is out during the day .  Having one baby is easy for me to cope with, its one on one lol, although some days can be hard, like any parent, as most of the time it is just me.  If we had two this would change our life dramatically.  I couldn’t take April to as many places with a baby and get the same results.  I would be more tired dealing with two children almost every night on my own , not forgetting my work as we cannot afford for me to not work and that would add pressure on to our relationship and the small time we get together as a couple.  This would impact April and her life too.  Yes I would have another member of the family which I am sure I would love unconditionally , in fact I know I would but I am being sensible and real and thinking of my family as it is now. The bond I have with them.  

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I shouldn’t have to explain this to others , I have thought about this for us and our life together not the world.  Not nosy people who just reply with “An Only child is a lonely child”  .  I think that is so unfair .  who is to say that the pressure of 2 children , 3 jobs , a house and not enough hours would end in divorce and a broken family . Surely this would be worse.  Why would they be lonely ?  I have only one child to pay for and therefore she will have lot of clubs to go to and play dates that I can arrange as very easy with one.

 

A dear friend of mine has one gorgeous little boy at the same age as April, however she has had to give birth to two sleeping babies (one is hard enough but two I could not imagine)  and still gets the same comment of “When you having more?” with people/stranger that do not know her situation and although this is not intended to hurt, is it really necessary to say? .  Maybe we should all let people lead their own life and decide what works for them . 

Much love xx 

I want I want I want

We have got to the stage of “I want I want I want”  aghhhh .   I have to say its my fault . When she was little she never asked for anything and I would love to get April things and see her face light up with new things and play all day with it.  As she got older she would start to pick things herself and get all excited about it . She would pick up a teddy and hug it in the shop and next minute I was at the till buying it .  I know I created a rod for my own back .

The shops nowadays are so cheap , every second shop is a charity or a 99p shop so the things she would get were never expensive .( I dont have that much money ha ha ).  Supermarkets always have a cheap toy section and there are always items on sale so she got there too when we went for a food shop . Sometimes a chocolate surprise egg , other times a toy bargain or book . However what I didnt realise was happening was the she was learning that she got something EVERY time we went out (or just about ).

Feels so silly and obvious when writing it down that it was wrong but when you are in the 99p shop and they grab a little doll I didnt bother after all it was 99p .

However it has changed this weekend when after buying her a balloon to celebrate finishing school for the summer she decided ,when home, she had enough of that balloon and DEMANDED (can you believe that ) a new balloon.  I was shocked at the way she wanted a new balloon and that she thought it was just as simple as going and getting a new one . When she was told no she burst the balloon (sneakily ) and said oh no that one broke we better go and get a new one .  Determined little monkey eh . Well I decided enough was enough and the thinking around all this had to change.

I didnt get things like this when I was little as the shops and prices were not the same . I grew up knowing money was scarce and we didnt have much and the pressure it had on my parents . Although I didnt want her dealing with money and worries like that I did need her to know that you have to have money to buy things .

SO I have bought these lovely coins off ebay . They have numbers on them for being used as screen time however we are just going to use them as ‘coins’  .  . We found a cute jar in the supermarket for £2 and we have a new system.

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April behaves and helps out she will get coins , if she doesnt she will not get any coins and if she is very naughty she will get coins taken away .   The coins dont represent any value in our house but that may change as she gets older , she is only 3.  When she wants something she will use her coins for it , this way allows us to decide if she can get the item or not as no value to the coins and if its too expensive we will just say not enough coins etc etc.  then all the coins are used on any purchase and she has to start again .  If I really want to get her something I can say I had a coin from working that I shared with her .

Like this little monkey could ever be naughty lol

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I think this is the best approach for our house to teach her simply . ‘You need money to get stuff its not free ‘  lol

 

What do you think xx

 

 

Last day of 1st year Nursery

Dear April

I cannot believe tomorrow is your last day at nursery for the summer.  It has been great seeing you change when at nursery and also weird knowing you have a little life outside mummy and daddys world, and its just yours.  However its all part of growing up and I am so very proud of you and the way you have excepted the challenge.

You only started January due to your age, but the six months have seen you grow with confidence and courage.  You go with such confidence and you have made friends of your very own.

Its all new to me and your dad and we are trying to go with the flow with what happens and whats expected and try to show an interest and be part of each step when we can (allowed lol , the control freak momma has to have a step back )

Our first summer break and we will have lots of fun adventures I promise ( we couldnt stay in with your energy )  The entire week I have thought about you leaving for holiday and had to keep reminding myself that you are the one off for 6 weeks not mommy lol.  I wish it was me.

This week I have managed to be on top form with organising . I have done sweets for the teachers , wrote a letter to your little friends mum about meeting up over the holidays  (sadly she hasnt text me but at least I can say I tried) and sorted your Mad Hatter hat for your party tomorrow

Today I rushed home (after a very long day ) and we made chocolate shapes for you party tomorrow too . It wasnt too easy with you as my assistant this time around and there wasnt much concentration being had with the mad singing you were doing lol but we did it in the end .

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I have your blackboard ready for tomorrow and I am loving that I can be part of your life and make the events as special as I can .  IMG_5244

Wishing you the best last day my gorgeous girl and a fun summer break with mama and dada .

 

Love you to the moon and back . xx

 

YouTube Video

April is three but its a digital world for her since her birth . She has seen us use our phones for just about everything and soon we seen her copy the ‘swiping’ action before she could even stand on her own.  The ipad was amazing for her as a baby as you have a lot of educational apps and videos on it and from a young age she would watch things to help with her eye coordination and hearing to name a few.  It was a natural part of her world …..Sometimes I think that is sad and others I think its a very good thing IF USED CORRECTLY .

April found the youtube app on her own and managed (I dont know how) to discover the surprise opening videos herself .   She gets limited time on the IPAD for watching things like this before moving on to an educational app that we do together (if she lets me)  but nonetheless she likes youtube .

So I decided one day we would create our own youtube video that way she would have fun watching herself.  I am quite a shy person and easy to hide behind the computer screen and this blog but I thought it would be fun ….. April took a little bit to get into it but then she was all pro at the end ….Have a watch.

Do I dare say Christmas in July

Well I am a bit of a control freak but I dont say that negatively as I like it.  I am okay with it and I like being ahead of the game and feeling organised.  It works well for me .

The other part knows that unless I am organised I could not afford Christmas at the last minute so I need to be organised.

With both of the above I am currently Christmas shopping for the little one and have got the rest of the friends and family sorted mainly.

OK OK I realise you might just hate me right now and I come across as all smug but it honestly isnt like this .  I grew up always having to hear about money as my parents didnt have a lot.  They worked hard and we got what they could afford. Some times were much harder than others but as a child I knew money was short and important.

I left home early around my 20s and I bought my first house myself and managed my own money. When it came to Christmas I was so blessed with lots of friends that my bank balance felt it and I would spend the next year having to get on top of finances again.  I realised that just didnt work for me and I started early in the second half of the year collecting bargains as I went .  My friends started having Children before I did and before I knew it I was back to square one with having childrens gifts added on.  I was independant so there was no saying I couldnt afford it. I love giving gifts and try so hard to give good gifts too .

Fast Forward a few years more and I started collecting some of the great bargains in the january sales and the sales throughout the whole year.  I found a big cupboard space and packed them all in . I then sorted out at christmas what I had and who it would suit.  More years later and along came April and her very own Santa list .

I now start on january and buy throughout the year. It is now not about if I see if but I look out for the sales and think about the present cupboard first(its now a sealed large box in the shed lol ) I get amazing bargains, which means people get some great gifts that some times I wouldnt be able to afford all at once when December hit.   I look for really good kids gifts for April too and put them away .

With Aprils gifts I dont always buy new. I have done this with some of the things and I am guaranteed its the new stuff she isnt interested in and its my ebay second hand toys that she does.  Plus if there is something I buy second hand and she is not interested in it then I dont feel as bad as if I had bought new.

I love bargaining on ebay to see what is available (always go for best quality of course ) and the cost.  It can be a game.

Here are my tips for being better prepared for Christmas (and birthdays too )

  • Find a place that you can keep presents, this could be a drawer, box, under bed , cupboard ….. its ok to start small .
  • Look at all the bargain parts of the stores . Sales, whoops products
    , supermarket (they always have discounted stuff ) and buy if they seem a good bargain and a gift you have someone in mind for. Some things are a good bargain you put it away and sort out the recipient later
  • Look on ebay and gumtree for your own children , some awesome stuff and great prices.  Books , toys, electronics.  Lots of bargains can be had. Also good for ideas.
  • Look for when certain sales are on . CLothes shop sales, supermarket sales , jewellery shop sales and toys . You might not always buy from them and sometimes I wait until the last day of the sale to see what is reduced further.
  • Always make a list at Christmas time to see who gets what and makes the planning better.

Lastly have fun.  I enjoy this and its my way but not always someone elses .  I then have December free to enjoy all the festivity .

 

 

 

 

Adoption

Okay seems like I am throwing this word out of the blue. However let me tell you a story, as a small child (around 7/8) I was fascinated by adoption and fostering although I didnt know there was a difference at that age.   I watched many films around the subject and asked question after question, being very curious on the matter.

I was actually never sure that I would have my own,  I was so aware of the amount of children that needed a home that I was never sure I wanted to bring one in to the world and more about helping the ones already here.

I began respite fostering when I was 22 …. the process was long but I went throught this and it was very informative and very well done and I got a baby boy of 14 months old when I was around 24.  The process isnt so much long as massive breaks in between . (just incase someone is put off by that sentence)

When we did decide to have our own it was the best time of my entire life and she is my utter world.  She is more than I ever knew , I love more than I have ever loved anything in my life and with her my want for adoption and to help another child grew also

Respite fostering (to jump back a little )  is where you work with the family . Get involved with things and have the children or child one weekend a month (or whatever you can do ) it worked well for me , the family and the child.  It was amazing. The best thing I have ever done (besides my own baby girl ) .  Usually respite fostering moves on when things are good and after a few months/years ( a bit like mary poppins) however I kept fostering with the same little boy for 10 years.  10 years you guys!  He was basically my baby boy too 🙂 .  I got on with the family very very well and fostered the brother too.  Initally separately and then together as they grew.  They became family very very quickly .

This has just ended within the year and with fostering for so long with the same family  it was so routine and just home from home for them and for us too.  With this naturally ending we are at a bit of a cross road . DO we take on someone new?  will that be scary again ?  we have April to think about now  or WILL WE LOOK AT ADOPTION?!

The last one is my dream and at the same time I am scared.  I think its good to be scared . I think that shows seriousness of the thought.  It cant be a whim . It has to work . For the child, for us , for April.  Its a forever decision. This cant be made instantly and it has been something I have thought about for a long long time. I need to make sure the realisim is in that thought too .

  1. Will I love them the same ?
  2. Will they fit in ?
  3. Will we give them the best life?
  4. Will it work ?
  5. Will they feel the same as April?
  6. Will we miss just having April?
  7. Will I manage with two (I know you mommas out there have lots more but I am being honest so please dont judge)?
  8. Will I cope ?
  9. Will me and gary manage?
  10. Will we afford it ?
  11. Will the kids fight ?
  12. Will it be hard

Its probably no different than when we thought about having our own and perhaps if I wanted a second I would go through these questions again . Then I think of the big picture. Sunday morning, us all in bed together , two little girls laughing and becoming best friends …..Oh no I have some tears now…… see it is important to me and if anyone is still with me then please let me know what you think.

It will not be tomorrow and will not be this year however do I start the journey or do I stick with my amazing trio ?

xxxx   thanks for your ears …… it means a lot .xx

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