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Love from Lorraine

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When the world gives you lemons

Not sure how to start this blog.  2016 did not end the way it was meant to.   The cause….People, evil people.  I have always been a sensitive person and a person who wears my heart on my sleeve.  I hurt easily and love easily.  Found it to be a tough end to the year when people decide to lie, lie to seek revenge for something that didn’t need revenge.  Hate is a horrible thing and the actions people take to do things to  people they dislike.   Well I hope they reap what they sow.  Karma will seek revenge I hope.  They ( the wise people we never know lol) say that what you put out in the world you get back.  At times I have to admit I think thats why evil turned up at our door but in return it should turn up at theirs.  I don’t wish bad on anyone but I do hope Karma is involved.

Any way enough of that.  We are into 2017 .  Broken, hurt, sad and a little bit more wary but we are here, we are a family and thats all we can ask.

I write this blog for me, no-one else.  I loved doing diaries when I was little and I every time I have started a blog I end up stopping and always so difficult to close it with all my posts on and my pictures on so I will continue this and keep my cute memories.

2017 is definitely a NEW NEW NEW start for me.  I have never had a new start like it .  I don’t know where I am going or what I am going to do but maybe writing some of it down and the changes I get will be an amazing journey to record.

I believe very much in the Law of Attraction and lets see if it can make its difference for me this year.

 

Nursery party for last day

Well last day of nursery and it all went wrong .

Ever have a picture in your head about how things will go? . I do and it never goes the way I hoped. Gary , my husband, says I am idealistic. I like to think I am positive with a bit of magic lol.   It started with a tantrum because ……. she woke up . Thats my conclusion anyway as not one thing happened before that and my eyes hadnt even opened yet.

she then wouldnt get dressed with out a lot of “get dressed now before we are late” shouted at her .  I was tired before even getting to nursery .

She went in fine but complained about the hat I made as it didnt fit and she didnt like it and she didnt want to wear it . SIGHHHHH

The parents were to go back at 10:30 for a little tea party and when I went in she come running up all smiles . I gave her a bit hug and she then said  I WANT CHOCOLATE ( the chocolate we made)  but I didnt know where anything was as its not MY nursery ha ha . That resulted in tears and the teachers asking “whats wrong April”  it ends up the chocolates were out in the kid room and she was free to get them but ‘couldnt’ with out me . So there I am feeling very uncomfortable wandering around the nursery with the shy crying child (let it be known she is not shy any other time at nursery or at home)  She then ‘demands ‘ crisps which I said no and was starting to get annoyed with the spoilt child in the room, and annoyed it was my child .

She didnt take part in the first half of the games they did and instead just cried.  I now wished I hadnt bothered.

Second half she did take part and I felt like a breakthrough .   The end came and we left with april crying bcause she couldnt find the hat she made. You know the one she hated and wouldnt wear.

Sigh .

I wanted to start a tradition that at the end of every school year she got a balloon but now I was stuck between the tradition not getting started and spoiling an already spoilt child .  We picked up daddy and I ranted to him about my day and then got to the balloon shop for a successful balloon purchase.

Its now half 7 and April is in bed, the balloon is burst and in the bin (child stamped on it)  and mummy is opening some wine.  Dont judge . Tomorrow is a new day . Thankfully

Here are some of the better pictures….hiding the bad parts of the day (pictures are good at that )

Tiredness or failure

I dont know if you guys out in cyber space get this but I just feel like a bit of a failure.  My twenties were full of hope that I could still be something or someone.  Do something that would make a difference.  My thirties proved how wrong I was.  I used to have so much motivation , or at least I think I did .

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I had April, my gorgeous girl, at 31 and she changed my view of things , for the better.  I wanted to stay home and spend every minute with her.  I told my self that something will turn up. A door will open for me .  Nothing did.

I had a plan , thought it out and it all fell apart. I decided it was fine and that I wasnt meant to be and something much better was just round the corner.  There is no corner its a straight road.

After the maternity leave I surrendered to the fact I was going back . Back to work but it was ok I would be part time now and it would be different than the place I left . It was different . IT was worse.

I am of course lucky lucky lucky to have a job in todays world and I understand that but thats not what this post is really about . Its about how unfufilled I am in the career path I have found myself on.  The job I have done hasnt changed in the 15 years I have done it. With every business and company scrambling for money there is no ladder and no development and therefore no change.  In fact there is very very very little work and some days I sit at a desk for 9 hours and dont have a thing to do (most days if I am honest).  Days my baby is sick and I have no holidays and feel trapped there like a prison while my hard working , over worked , husband has to take the time off to be with her (he is self employed no one he has to ask for time off ) . I HATE IT and its my crappy party and I will cry if I want to .

I understand I have so so much . I get that and again if you read other posts you will know what I put as first and its not money .  However I decided that I would write a blog but I was just lost.  Changed it and took on another  blog , lost again .  I opened an online shop and worked my butt off sewing and trying to make money from sales but fabric is expensive and people like things for nothing , plus there is only me and I have to sit in an office for 9 hours so that takes some time away from it .

I guess I am just having a rant as here I am again with this blog and my instagram and its sucks … I have 289 posts on instagram and 53 followers   .  Sigh.

I get up every morning and think of great things I want to post about and crafts I want to do then the challenges of the day arrives and Im knackered (sometimes from boredom ) and I have no energy to do any of it.

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Maybe I am just too late in the blogging world x

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